My birthday is rapidly approaching and I greet it with some uneasy reflections. It’s no longer possible for me to convince myself that I’m in late middle age. The truth is, I’m old. The surprising thing to me is that I don’t feel old. I don’t run up and down stairs anymore and my energy level lags at times but I feel the same as I’ve always felt.

All my life I’ve looked forward to the future as in “someday I want to visit China” or, “I’m looking forward to returning to India with a tour”, or even “Maybe next year I can go back to Haiti with the medical team”. It is a hard thing to admit to myself that most of those things will never happen. Reality is that perhaps I will get to China someday but it looks unlikely.

In addition to bringing my birthday, September has always been a time of beginnings for me. The start of the school year after the less hectic days of summer when I was a girl, the scramble to get five children equipped for a new year when they were young, my own return to studies after they were grown and later gearing up for the Fall season at the orchard. It was a time for making plans and looking forward.

These crisp, clear, Autumn days bring those memories flooding back with the anticipation of new experiences and plans to be made for someday. Someday, however, has become a briefer span of time. After years of talking about taking the train across Canada Max and I decided it was time to stop talking and do it. Friday leave for Toronto to get the train for Vancouver, BC. While we’re traveling maybe I can start planning a China trip.